The first thing we say about someone often becomes the first thing others believe.
Think about the last time someone introduced you.
Maybe it was at work, church, a family gathering, or a meeting with someone new.
How did they describe you?
Hopefully it sounded something like this:
“This is Kurtis. He’s passionate about helping people. He trains organizations in Person-Centered Thinking. He loves photography, enjoys spending time with his family, and is always working on a new project.”
What they probably didn’t say was:
“This is Kurtis. He’s not very musical, isn’t much of an athlete, and can be a little stubborn sometimes.”
That would be a pretty strange introduction.
Most of us don’t introduce ourselves—or the people we love—by leading with the things we struggle with. We naturally begin with what makes someone interesting, what they’re passionate about, or what they contribute to the world.
So here’s a question that has challenged me over the years:
Why does that sometimes change when we’re introducing someone who receives disability services?
Without even realizing it, we can fall into the habit of introducing people by their diagnosis, support needs, or the things they struggle with before we ever talk about who they are.
“This is Sarah. She’s non-verbal.”
“This is Mike. He’s low functioning.”
“This is James. He has behaviors.”
Those statements may contain pieces of truth.
But are they the most important part of someone’s story?
Or are they simply one chapter?
Every Introduction Creates an Expectation
One of my favorite moments during our Person-Centered Thinking training comes from a video I show of a young man named Sparsh.
Before I play the video, I introduce him like this:
“You’re about to watch a rapper, poet, and motivational speaker with a massive online following. He’s performed songs like Lose Yourself and Not Afraid, and his videos have inspired millions of people around the world. He’s raised thousands of dollars through his nonprofits as well.”
Then I stop and ask the room one simple question.
“Who do you think is about to walk through that door?”
Almost every class, someone confidently answers…
“Eminem.”
Then I press play.
Instead of Eminem, a young man rolls onto the screen in a wheelchair.
His name is Sparsh.
He was born with osteogenesis imperfecta, a condition that causes his bones to break very easily. Throughout his life, he has experienced hundreds of fractures and faces physical challenges that most of us can hardly imagine.
The room gets quiet.
Not because anyone guessed wrong.
But because everyone suddenly realizes how powerful an introduction can be.
Then I ask another question.
Imagine if I had introduced Sparsh differently.
What if, instead of leading with everything he’s passionate about and the incredible accomplishments he’s achieved, I had started by talking about the things he struggles with?
What if I had said…
“You’re about to meet a young man who uses a wheelchair, has brittle bone disease, has broken hundreds of bones throughout his life, and needs support with many physical tasks.”
None of those statements would have been false.
But would your picture of who was about to enter the room have changed?
Would your expectations have been different?
Mine would have.
I didn’t exaggerate Sparsh’s accomplishments.
I didn’t ignore or hide his disability.
I simply chose to introduce him the same way I hope someone would introduce me.
By who he is.
Not just by what he lives with.
That small shift completely changed what everyone expected before they ever met him.
The Stories We Tell
Every introduction tells a story.
Before someone has the opportunity to know a person for themselves, they’re often getting their first impression from us.
That means we have an incredible responsibility.
The first thing we choose to say about someone often becomes the first thing others believe about them.
If we consistently introduce people by their diagnosis, support needs, or limitations, those details can unintentionally become the lens through which everything else is seen.
But when we begin with their passions, strengths, relationships, personality, and accomplishments, we invite others to see a whole person—not simply someone receiving services.
Person-Centered Thinking reminds us that every person has a unique story.
Our introductions should reflect that.
Seeing the Person Before the Service
This doesn’t mean we ignore disabilities or pretend support needs don’t exist.
Those things are real, and sometimes they’re important to share.
The question isn’t whether we acknowledge them.
The question is when and how we choose to tell that part of the story.
Are those details the very first chapter someone hears?
Or are they simply one chapter in a much bigger story?
Every person we support has passions, friendships, talents, routines, dreams, favorite restaurants, favorite music, favorite sports teams, inside jokes, life experiences, and countless things that make them uniquely who they are.
Those deserve to be part of the introduction too.
Sometimes the smallest change in how we introduce someone creates the biggest change in how they’re perceived.
Take a few moments to consider these questions:
- When I introduce someone, what do I usually choose to say first?
- If someone introduced me the way I introduce the people I support, how would I feel?
- Am I helping others see a diagnosis first, or a person first?
- What’s one small change I could make the next time I introduce someone?
Putting It Into Practice
The next time you introduce someone, pause for just a moment before you speak.
Ask yourself:
“If this person were standing beside me, what would they hope I said first?”
You don’t have to ignore someone’s disability or support needs.
Just remember that those details are only one part of a much bigger story.
Lead with the person.
Everything else can follow.
Want to Learn More?
Person-Centered Thinking is about seeing people before systems, relationships before roles, and possibilities before limitations.
If you’d like to learn more about Person-Centered Thinking or attend one of our upcoming trainings, I’d love to connect with you.
Kurtis Parker
HCBS Coordinator & Certified Person-Centered Thinking Trainer