Imagine sitting down to watch TV with a friend. You say, “Let’s check out that new comedy special,” but before you can grab the remote, they say—
“Nah, we’re watching a documentary about the history of concrete.”
Now sure, it might be educational… but you didn’t choose it. You’re just stuck watching what someone else thinks is best.
That’s what life can feel like for the people we support when they don’t have positive control. When choices are made for them instead of with them, it’s like someone else keeps changing the channel on their life.
Positive control doesn’t mean letting people do whatever they want without support. It means helping them hold the remote—and being there when the batteries die, the signal drops, or the show doesn’t go as planned.
We’re not here to direct from above. We’re here to walk beside them.
The Pyramid of Positive Control
In Person-Centered Thinking, positive control grows in layers, much like a pyramid. Each layer builds on the one below it — and when the foundation isn’t strong, the rest can’t stand for long.
Here’s what each layer looks like in action.
1️⃣ The Foundation: Health and Safety (On Our Own Terms)
It starts here. If a person doesn’t feel safe or have a sense of control over their health, everything else feels uncertain.
We might think we’re protecting someone by making decisions for them — what they eat, where they go, or who they spend time with — but that can quietly take away their confidence and independence.
Supporting health and safety doesn’t mean taking charge. It means sharing control — helping people understand risks and decide what “safe” means for them.
When someone feels secure in their body, environment, and routines, that’s when growth can begin.
2️⃣ What and Who Is Important in Everyday Life
Once safety is steady, the next step is connection — the people, places, and routines that make life meaningful.
These are the “little things” that actually aren’t little at all: morning coffee, a favorite show, a best friend from work, or walking the dog after dinner.
They’re what make life the person’s own.
When we support someone, learning what’s important to them isn’t just nice — it’s essential. It tells us what matters most when life gets complicated and helps us make decisions that reflect their values, not ours.
3️⃣ Opportunities for Growth and New Experiences
Once the foundation and daily life feel balanced, people are ready to stretch.
Trying something new — applying for a job, moving to a new house, learning a skill — can be both exciting and scary. Especially for someone who’s had most of their life planned for them.
Our role is to help people take safe risks — not by clearing every obstacle, but by standing beside them while they try. Growth happens when people are trusted to make choices, even if it means sometimes failing and trying again.
4️⃣ Dreams and Journeys
At the top of the pyramid are dreams — the big goals that make life feel purposeful.
For one person, that might mean living independently. For another, it could be reconnecting with family, owning a pet, or starting a small business.
When people have control over their health, routines, and opportunities, their dreams stop being “what ifs” and start becoming real possibilities.
And as supporters, our role is to help clear the path — not walk it for them, but walk with them.
Bringing It Home: Our Role as Supporters
Promoting positive control means asking ourselves,
“Who’s really holding the remote?”
It’s not about stepping back completely or removing structure — it’s about giving people genuine ownership of their lives.
When people have positive control, we see:
✅ More confidence in decision-making
✅ Stronger relationships
✅ Fewer behavioral challenges
✅ Greater independence and satisfaction
Because when people feel trusted to lead their own lives, they rise to it.
Closing Thought
Every time we pause before taking over, ask a question instead of making a decision, or offer a choice instead of a command — we’re giving someone back their remote.
And that one small moment of trust?
That’s where empowerment begins.
Want to Learn More?
If you’d like to learn more about Person-Centered Thinking or join one of our upcoming in-person PCT trainings led by me,
please reach out directly at: kparker@autism-vac.org